Grace Fills in the Gaps

Guest Editor: Melanie Lee

It’s 4:15 pm. I walk in through the door and I am greeted with a jubilant, “Happy Cake, Mommy!”

It's Ella. She’s two. It’s my birthday and she is adamant that instead of “Happy Birthday,” we of course all mean to say, “Happy Cake!”

Her sweet little arms wrap around my neck and baby soft cheek presses into mine. “Thank you, baby.” 

I proceed through the daycare pick-up routine- ask how her day was, how long did she nap, was she a good girl? We head out to the car and my joyful, fiery red-haired babe dances and prances and dashes around me. Her contagious laughter has me smiling now and I listen to her chatter on about her day and her friends as we drive home.

The joy in the car is authentic and tangible. My baby is so happy. I am so happy.

And yet, there is a tension that exists in my heart. My day at work was life-giving for my soul, and then I see my sweet child and I know that I don’t know what she had for lunch today. I don’t know if she said a new phrase today. I had a wonderful day, my daughter had a wonderful day, and yet there is tension in my soul.

It is a tension that lives in the heart of every mother- no matter where she spends the 8:00 am- 5:00 pm hours of her day. It’s called mom guilt (if you are a mother you just said, “Oh yes!”).

Mom guilt are the words that swarm in my mind…”You don’t spend enough time with your child. She probably misses you all the time. You are ruining her childhood by not staying home with her. You are selfish in your pursuits and career goals.” The words are vicious and cutting.

Mom guilt is the sense that every mother has- that even if you are a stay-at-home-mom sacrificing your showers and your alone times and your passions and your sanity to be at home with your children, that you are still failing at the end of the day. Mom guilt is the sense that even if you are working so hard outside of the home to provide financially for your family, to do things that make you feel alive so that you can pour into your family, that you are actually just extremely selfish and your children will be forever ruined because they will always know that you chose work over them. Mom guilt is the sense that we are not enough. And no matter what we do, we will never be enough.

And mom guilt is- above all- lies. It is the devilish voice cutting at your worthiness, your value, your worth. It is falsehood after falsehood that is able to cut you right where it hurts most. And the worst part of it is, we believe those slithering whispers.

So mothers, come here. I’m a hugger. Let me hug you. Let me tell you something.

You are not alone.

And hear me...none of us are perfect. We actually all do fail our children one way or another. Even the stay at home mom who meal plans and makes homemade playdough and plans on homeschooling and seems to have everything together- she fails her children sometimes. Even the gluten-free, dairy-free mom who gets her kids to eat quinoa and already lost all of her baby weight- she fails her children sometimes. Even the mom who gets up at 6:00 am to work out, wears pencil skirts and blazers to work, directs meetings and projects, and still manages to pick her kids up on time from daycare- she fails her children sometimes.

And oh my- thank goodness we fail our children. As I reflect on my last two years as a mother, my failures thrust themselves to the front of my mind. But I realized that through my failures I am teaching my precious daughter something very important: It’s okay to fail sometimes. It’s a beautiful thing to not be perfect and loved anyways.

I want my daughter to witness her mother falling down. And then I want her to witness her mother standing back up again, admitting her faults, and then trying again. I want her to know that failure is a major part of life. Failure is the only way we learn where we need to grow, right? Well I want my daughter to know that her mother, like everyone else, has room for growth- and that seeking growth is a crucial, ever changing process that has no end.

And above all, I want my daughter to know that grace fills in the gaps. Did you hear me mothers? Grace fills in the gaps.

Mmmm...let that soak. We all fail. It’s a part of being a living, breathing human. So when you feel as though you have failed your children- when you yell, grace fills in the gaps. When you work late every night this week, grace fills in the gaps. When you give them mac-n-cheese for dinner the third night in a row, grace fills in the gaps.  

And because of grace, you are always enough.

So take a deep breath mother. No matter what seat you find yourself sitting in as you read this- know that you are enough. Grace holds you and protects you. Grace holds and protects your babies.

So live the life to which you were called. Shake off mom-guilt. Call it out and declare victory over it.

You are enough. Rest. Grace fills in the gaps.

Image sourced from mymodernmet.com